Marriage is a workshop,
where man works and woman shops.

Close to the Bone

Jokes that are close to the bone, meaning accurate to the point of causing discomfort, have been a source of great humour for years. Every television sitcom loves to investigate the characters' weaknesses in detail for our laughter. Even funerals can be occasions for some necessary black humour to make the day palatable. Things that we hold dear, covet, need in our lives, are great sources for chuckles. So, don't feel bad pushing the boat out and cracking some great dirty jokes about love and marriage.

If you are worried about causing offensive or being inappropriate, my belief is that one thing outshines both of those, and that thing is - being funny! Your joke may be never appropriate, in any circumstance, but will probably always be funny.

The Butt of the Joke

Another worry you may have is that, with any joke, someone always has to be the victim, the butt of the joke. Not the butt of the joke in the following sense:

Wife: “Can I spend $20,000 on breast implants?”
Husband: “Why don’t you just rub toilet paper all over your chest?”
Wife: “I don’t get it.”
Husband: “Worked on your butt, didn’t it?”

In which the butt is the subject of the gag, but in the sense that in that joke the wife is the victim. If we worried about offending someone though we'd never tell any jokes, and don't worry for every joke where the wife is the victim there is one just around the corner where the husband will be the butt of the joke.

For example, and for some gender balance, there is this joke:
Husband [in front of the mirror]: “Will you still love me when I’m old, fat, and bald?”
Wife: “I do.”


They say marriage isn't just a word, it's a sentence. Be that a prison or a death sentence, it certainly portrays it in a bad light. But don't worry, that's the joke, we mock something we hold dear to make light of it. Don't let it stop you telling jokes such as:

What's the cure for marriage?

Dirty Jokes

We're on the same page by now, aren't we? It's ok to open the box that contains the explosive jokes, the ones you save up as your killer joke. the ones to make the jaws drop, the tears come to the eyes and the stomachs to hurt with uproarious laughter. We all know what we're on about - the dirty jokes. I've never found anyone who doesn't appreciate a good dirty joke. Sure, they can embarrass some people, but they still love them. Because they break some imaginary boundary, for that reason they are exciting.

How is a wife like bacon?
They both look, smell, and taste amazing. They also both slowly kill you.

Husband: “I wanna know when you orgasm next.”
Wife: “I’d rather not interrupt you at work.”

The Difference between love and marriage

A lot of jokes explore the differences between love and marriage, usually erring on the side of the latter destroying the former, but that's sometimes what's funny. We all love a reassuring resolution to a joke which reinforces our understanding of where it was going but with a little twist to tickle the funny bone. Here's a typical favourite:

What’s the difference between love and marriage?
Love is one long sweet dream. Marriage is more of a nightmare.

Saving the best till last

Some would argue that marriage in itself is the opposite of saving the best until last. The best is supposedly at the beginning of the relationship and marriage spells the death of everything good in the relationship in exchange for a life of depressed servitude. The reason for the bleakness of these jokes is that for a joke to work they should be punching up, and people see the happiness of people in love that have just got married, and see that they, theoretically, have everything. Therefore they are a ripe subject for a joke. So, in the reverse of marriage in the world of humour, we've saved the best dirty jokes about love and marriage for the end of this article. Enjoy!

What do wives and hurricanes have in common?
On arrival, they’re wet and wild. When they leave, they take the house and car with them.

Why do men love big tits and a tight ass?
Because they've got big mouths and little dicks.